dancing fingers...

Last night, I planned to wake up early in the morning and start to do worthwhile things, maybe do a little stretching... But alas, my mom had to wake me up at 9 in the morning. My plan was ruined! What a bad way to start my day. Then after having my breakfast, my mom forced me to clean-up and organize my stuff. It was tiring and my head felt really painful and heavy. Time flew fast, there were hardly any time left for me to pack my things up, take a shower and prepare for my 3 pm piano lessons. I hurriedly forced the remaining old books, folders, art papers, etc. in an old organizer which used to hold my toys. I took a shower a few minutes faster than my average bath (which usually takes about an hour) and did all the other necessary preparations and finally, I was done in no time. I even had the luxury of taking a nap while waiting for 2:30.

When I arrived at the piano room, my teacher wasn't there yet. When she came, I already practiced what I thought we would be playing for the day. When she came, she asked me to play the pieces I was practicing. :) nice... The notes made me feel relaxed, at peace brushing away all the headaches this day had caused me to experience. But then it couldn't be all that easy... My mentor introduced the piece I, hopefully, would be playing at the recital on October/November. I just wish I could make until then. It was really complicated for me!!! My fingers were shaking, as they find which keys to play. Despite the out-of-tune dancing of my fingers, I was so excited about the two piano pieces I'll be learning from now on...Wish me luck friends!!!

with a smile...

Again, here I am, in deep thought...

Unanswered questions...

I was again, in a not so happy mood. I just felt like all the plans I had, mostly good, always end up with nothing. They say failures make you stronger, and I believed them. I did not dare ask how... Now I'm torn and tired of trying in my own ways to change for the better.

I love good love stories... I always feel so involved, so taken by movies, love stories which end up in happy ever after. I always dream of having my own happy ever after someday. But everything around me tells me how impossible it would be for one like me.

I am a child who grew up knowing that I belong in the happiest and most perfect family one could ever have. I grew up like that and I wanted to live with that. And I still want to, but it seems like I can't force myself to believe that now.

I love the song "with a smile" by eraserheads... "You can never be too happy in this life.", it says. Why can't I? Why can't we be? Why is it that every time you feel like the happiest person on earth, there comes something that would ruin it all. Why is it that there are some people who hate it when you're happy?

How can someone care so much about you while hurting you more than anyone elso hurts you? Why can't some people understand the importance of respect? Why is it that people seem to take advantage of others when they are in their worst? Why is it that when you are down, everything seem to push you down even deeper?

Plans, inspirations, faith, friends and love are the only things that could lift me up from this state I'm in. I hope that when I stand back up, I'd walk away from this past with a smile...

an extraordinary evening...

Just yesterday morning, we had our last swimming class for the year. And just before we started the session, Jhem, the vp of our class, asked me to come back at school at 1 pm to take the place of an RSR and usher in the GAWAD event for the CPACs. I hesistantly agreed for I never really enjoyed being with lots of people.

When I went back, I came earlier than 1 pm because I had to ride with my brother who was going to his college. It didn't take long until Jhem and Ada came. We were given lunch (Jollibee - 2pcs burgersteak) haha.yum! Then we went to the campus ministry office where we left our stuff and readied ourselves for the event. (Nagbihis na ang mga alila ng gabing iyon.) I totally hated the feeling I felt wearing the filipinian costume. I could barely breathe under the thin cloth wrapped around me. Soon after the adjustment, I felt a bit comfortable under it.

When the time came for us to do our jobs, I was assigned at the registration table. It was fun! We had very little problems. Then, when the awarding ceremony was about to start, I was asked to come up the audi-gym and usher the male awardies who'll be called up the stage. I was nervous at first but I realized that the people probably won't care much about me doing my job in there because this is their night to enjoy. And then I came to enjoy my task, walking the male awardees up the stage, sometimes congratulating them and receiving their hurried but warm smiles and thank yous.

After the awarding proper, we had dinner. My feet felt tired but I still felt hyped. The RSRs and FSAs who were with us in the table were very friendly and funny. Sir Mike was really nice. After that, Ada and I went back to the campus ministry office to check our cellphones if ever our parents were already worried. This is when the real adventure started. The whole building was dark. We courageously (although I had my right hand tightly gripping Ada's left arm) went up stairs turning the lights on one-by-one. I was really scared I never let go of Ada's arm. We checked on our cps and found no new msgs. When we were walking back, Ada turned off the lightsone-by-one as we pass by each of the switches. Then came the last switch, we saw an image of a dark sto. nino at the corner of the lobby. (I always feel scared looking at dark images of saints.) After Ada clicked the last switch off, everything went balck. I couldn't see anything. Lucky, Ada could still see the steps. Down we went, me gripping Ada's hand tighter than before. I was like, "Ada wala na'kong makita! Ada sabihin mo pag patag na ah. Ada...".

Well, we managed to go back down alright. We even went back to the campus but we found the lights on already. Now I realized that it was a fun and extraordinary night I had. It could be nothing for you but it was quite an experience for me who rarely goes out of our protective home. Jhem constantly thanked me for doing her the favor, but I realized that I should've been the one to thank her for that one chance she gave me to meet new friendly people, witness my friends and some acquiantances get awarded for their talents and have extraordinary experiences in the dark.:p yun lang. haha. corny ba? comment ka nlang sa c-box ko....XD

Love is not love until it hurts...

I have always had this question in my head... 'Why does it feel so good when you're self-pitying, spending time alone thinking of how life has been so cruel to you, thinking of how it had you ache so much seeing your crush or your friend happy with someone else?'

We crave movies which leave us soaked in tears. We ask our friends for the latest books of sad love stories. We prefer sentimental songs than happy ones,like we've all experienced heartbreaks. Our eyes are easily caught by "emo" pics and images painted blue and gray.Well fine, if that last statement didn't sound right to you. I hate being labeled "emo" too. But you can never deny that there's something that leaves you light-hearted after

letting your heartaches flow through tears.

While surfing the net, I came across very sentimental quotes about love.

♥ "Love is like heaven but it can hurt like hell."

♥ "Love is an excuse to get hurt."

♥ "I always knew looking back the tears would make me laugh, but i nerver knew looking back

on the laughs would make me cry."

♥ "Someday you'll cry for me like i cried for you. someday you'll miss me like i missed

you. someday you'll need me like i needed you. someday you'll love me, when i'm done loving

you!"

♥ "The only guys that are worth your tears are the ones that won't make you cry."

♥ "Nothing is more panfull than realizing that he meant everything to you when you meant

nothing to him."

♥ "You hurt me so much when all i ever did was love you."

♥ "Don't say you love me unless you mean it, cause i might do something stuoid like believe

it!"

♥ "You say you can't stand to see me get hurt, so do you close your eyes when you hurt me?"

♥ "Nothing is more painful than realizing that he meant everything to you when you meant

nothing to him."

♥ "Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside

you yet you can't have them?"

♥ "Wanting him is hard to get. Loving him is hard to regret. Losing him is hard to accept.

♥ But with all the hurt I've felt, letting go is the most painful yet."

Now, i can only laugh at these lines. But I wish there won't come a time when I'd feel the same way as those who wrote these phrases. If that time will ever come, I wish I'd be sane enough to shake the bad ideas off my head. Grabeh! Ayoko nun! Ang emo! :p (ew! haha)

I still am puzzled with this silly random thought of mine. Bored kasi eh, kaya kung anu-ano ang iniisip... But all these ideas left me a nice realization.(or maybe an excuse if that's what you'd call it)

"Maybe God has designed us to cry when pain reaches its limit. Maybe God created us with a special ability to refresh ourselves by letting the bad energies out of our system through tears." Sana nga un lang un... Pero, Is it really not love when it still doesn't hurt?Haiiii... Well, bakit kasi natin pinoproblema ang mga bagay na hindi natin kailangang problemahin? Ayun.^^